Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
