The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
