You smell like stripper and shame
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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