you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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