I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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