Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
