I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
