Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
