the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
