I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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