You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
