While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
