Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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