Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
