A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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