evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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