If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your penis caused this!
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