I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you would pick up someone in the library
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
