Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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