He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
