Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
someone owes me an orgasm
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
