my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
