If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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