I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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