4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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