Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
