Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
