I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
