I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
