new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
