i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
