oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
