I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
