her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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