did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
