Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
