Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
