Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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