before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
