Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
