I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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