So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
