I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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