literally had 100 drinks last night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
