Taylor Swift is so right about you.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I came so hard my ears popped.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
