i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
