so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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