I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have fence marks all over my body
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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