Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have feelings that need drinking.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
