so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
