I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
